This is one reason why I believed in the phrase experience speaks. Not only from the varied relationship types which I’ve observed from friends or through articles or books, etc., ones’ journey tells a lot why there cannot be one consensus or fixed definition of LOVE. It differs from heart to heart. Not only from person to person but also within oneself it sometimes dilutes or concentrates (though a complete lateral shift is almost impossible)… I can say this now, though my answers would have been different say 5 years ago…I still faintly remember in my campus days where I declared myself to be the Cupid-lal. There was this instance where in the middle of my sermon I latched up the door from outside so that no one escapes my LOVEMON (sermon on love) while I attend nature’s call…Phew!!!
There’s a general observation that, the better professors are those who didn’t succeed much in the corporate world. To me it’s logical, because knowledge is not just about deploying it to win but it’s also about knowing why some didn’t. If you never failed how are you going to understand the complete picture? If you never experience summer how are you going to appreciate the chilly winter? Having said that, it’s not because I’m a miserable sucker in love/relationship that I’m licensed to write something on love or relationship. But it’s because I believe in it and I find this God gifted Human Union enigmatic and exotic.
As a staunch believer in LOVE, I tried analyzing and hypothesizing from time to time on this tenet based on the different relationship people undergo, mostly on people whom I know. Based on the various observation which I’ve come across in this not very long journey of mine, I’ve conjured up an imaginary PIE, not necessarily exhaustive to some, but should be enough for say a quick presentation to top management:
The pure loyalist:
There is this friend, who went around with a girl from his class in his primary school days. He finished his XII and went on to do his engineering in one of the best engineering school which was far off from his hometown and then completed his management from Bangalore. All this while his girlfriend was completing her education in their hometown. Though I don’t know much about his escapades in his engineering days (though I doubt any) but we are good friends since Bangalore days which we are still. So I can say that no where in the last 8 years did he flinch nor even try to astray, though I know he has countless offers or opportunities which can be created with just a snap of fingers. He loves his girlfriend in the same degree all the time; they got married and are still happy. I have to call that “The Pure loyalist”.
The skirting loyal:
“A thing of beauty is a joy forever”…
John Keats exactly knew what he said. Though they are seven seas apart, though he has that “if looks could kill”, though he has the knowledge, though his demeanor melts every kittens – young and old alike, though he can walk the talk or talk the walk, but when it comes to relationship, he proudly wears it. Why then do I call him skirting? He just melts whenever he comes across something beautiful, like a kid placing his/her toys near him/her even while sleeping. His impulses are just uncontrollable in front of beautiful stimuli. It’s like an involuntary muscle twitching when exerted with some external unplanned pressure. But wait!!! The appreciation ends there …because deep down he knows she is the girl.
These are group of people who might not be an organic produce, but became one, out of wanting to be in the groove or because of curiosity or because of some necessity coming from within, which could be an outcome of the previous two concoction or some external reasons. Here was a chap whom you will call a good boy, he was the pride of the family, to him school is where you go and study and be obedient and get good marks. As per the script, he completes his management degree and got a job in a reputed MNC. That’s when we lost touch. I met him after a couple of years, expecting him to be the same chap. Lo and Behold! Here we were talking about girls, relationship and that sort. Initially, it didn’t trigger much suspicion as I thought he was trying to sync up a conversation with me (Do I have such a reputation?). He finally went around with a girl, the relationship didn’t really pick up, he left no stone unturned, unfortunately it died. I thought he will go back to the same old boy he used to be or he will have a deep bitter scar. I was wrong; instead he pounced on the earliest thing which come by. He just picked up the first opportunity (I though it was without any feasibility check, which was atypical of a management graduate). The only explanation I can give here is that, he just needs it.
“A known devil is better then an unknown angel”was what he told me once.
He was atypical hostel bloke, spic and span, fit and fine, sleeps early and gets up early, free alcohol and nicotine, handsome looking (that’s what girls say), does it sounds like a female’s wish list?. A casanova seems a cake walk, but he was not. He is like the ordinary blokes yep yeping about girls in general almost all the time, never has the guts nor the fire to go and spoon for a girl, though most of us conveniently blame it to the superior EGO. Somehow, he hooked up this female and they went around for quite sometime. After he graduated from B-school they were literally away from each other most of the time. I’m not sure how things went, but there were grapevine in the middle which says they have called it quits. I asked him indirectly, though he didn’t confirm but he sounds not very bullish on the relationship. I’m sure the dude would have come across many attractive females in his different workplaces and also through his family, however they somehow stick together or get back together (not sure)…Later, one day I asked him are they still on, hasn’t his family find someone? That’s when he told me “A known devil is better then an unknown angel”.
The pristine succumb:
I guess this are the most generic form. Progressive society might called them the traditional, but somewhere deep inside I believe this is the simplest and most transparent form and is the most common. I have handful of friends but I don’t think I need to draw parallel as you will recall at least a couple of friends or acquaintances of this type even before finishing this paragraph. To them love is something which starts after parents get them married (to some one from their community). They have this simple take on relationship and never get entangled with this complicated enigma called love, which according to them happens only in movies or are for the gorras.
The succumb after destroying:
These people can be categorized as those intentional and those because of previous bitter experience. For those intentional ones, I would called them the evolved version or the pseudo version of “The Pristine Succumb”, because they knew they are inherently born that way, but is not able to or doesn’t want to break free from the long followed family tradition. There are quite a few who looked at life like that, even among the elites. The second types to me are what I would call “the unfortunates”. There is this friend who had a girlfriend whom he met before campus. She used to frequent him in our campus and the moment she came, they would either not appear in the vicinity until she leaves or the door is locked from outside. In the entire two years, though everyone knew almost every time she dropped in, I doubt how many of his flat mates would have seen her or talk to her though the rendezvous was quite often. We passed out of the campus and everyone was busy in his/her own organization. Later I came to know that things didn’t work out. I’m not sure whether he submitted himself to his family whims or he succumbed to it or was it intentional, though I least doubt the last one. But I know for sure still today he is a happy man.
The jumping jack:
The name says it all…hop, skip, jump and always jacking. There are the jumpers and the jacks. Typical jumpers are those who just love the concept of flirting and believe in minimal possible nights standing. They think the opposite sex to be a form of arm candy, the more the variety the better. The jacks to me are those who love relationship, to them its indispensable to their existence. The only caveat is when the other half asked for commitment, they fissile out. They have this problem of what called commitment, not that they can escape forever. However, because of their love seeking nature, they will go to another relationship until the same quintessential question is popped up. They run around from shelter to shelter, until their parents give commitment on his/her behalf…hush hush!!!
These stratospheric beings are those who know everything about love and relationship. They are the self proclaimed Love Guru. They know which color of roses for which occasion, they will tell you where to place the diamond ring when you pop the question, they will tell you the reason why it didn’t worked. They are the master of strategy, they will tell you exactly where you are in your relationship cycle and what ought to be done. The only irony is that they are yet to experience most of their preaching. One common thread that runs through them is either they have this one time lightning fast relationship at some point or they never had one or it’s always one sided type.
Is there something called the IDEAL types??? There is no right type nor there is nothing called, I’ll become this type from today…No matter how hard you try to reinvent “you will be what you were”…?
You know, just try and be transparent…you’re better half will deal with you better.